From the book “The Power of Stillness”:
It is common for us to talk about the aim of Church gatherings to be uplifting, comforting and consoling our spirits. Although these are things we all understandably want, what happens when the opposite happens, and it’s hard to be with others? Is that even okay?
The story is told of a community of monks living together on a mountain, until one monk began seriously annoying everyone else. Finally in the middle of a fight, that monk stormed off and moved out of the monastery, much to everyone’s relief. The head monk, however, went and convinced him to come back. The other monks were appalled, asking, “Why did you do this? We just got rid of him?” The wise monk responded, “We need him. He is the yeast in our bread. Without him we will not grow.”
Are we open to other kinds of ‘leaven” in the loaf? One Sunday, while serving as Primary President, Carrie was not at her best at Church: I dropped important balls, put my foot in my mouth, and was all around clumsy with my interactions with others. I retreated home, and, right in the middle of my sulking soirée, had an awful epiphany: I am the yeasty monk! I am the yeast monk in the Primary!
That led to a full-on weeping and wailing session, which my husband sat and watched, in awe, probably at my drama. I went on and on about how I was not a good leader . . . and someone seriously needs to fire me . . . and how we need to have paid clergy so they don’t need to deal with my mess-ups. . . . Why am I being asked to subject others to my weaknesses? How does this really benefit anyone? Why do we have to worship as a group like this?
Christian John Backman has written that his motivation to come to church is, in part, so that he can be uncomfortable. Compared to staying home in his own thoughts, he describes how worship in a collective body allows him to be challenged by others’ ideas that sometimes even drives him nuts!10 How easy would it be to be united if we simply agreed on everything, right! How valuable, then, it is that we do not agree on so many topics—-politics, health. . . . and still asked by the Lord to be one and learn to be united.
These words form Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist Monk, are a helpful summation translated into language more representative of a Latter-day Saint community: “In a ward (sangha)) there must be difficult people. These difficult people are a good thing for you—they will test your capacity to build Zion and practice Christlike love (of sanga-building and practicing). One day when that person says something that is not very nice to you, you will be able to smile and it won’t make you suffer at all. I am speaking to you out of my experience. I now have a lot more patience and compassion, and because I have patience and compassion, my happiness is much greater. You suffer because your understanding and compassion is not yet large enough to embrace difficult people, but with practice your will grow. And thanks to the ward (sangha) practicing together those people will transform. That is a great success.”
It’s caring about each other that turns a ward into a covenant people. And that means loving those who are quirky, frustrating or downright “out there.” Because the reality for every single one of us is, well, some days your’re the bread, and some days you’re the yeast. And we all need each other to keep going.
The Practice: There was a reason people kept a distance from Roger. It’s not always easy to know how to respond to someone facing significant mental or emotional challenges. And although people in the singles ward did their best to help him know he was welcome, there were a lot of genuine questions. After counseling together about how to help Roger, some of the ward leaders felt a prompting to encourage a few in the ward to try to get to know him personally. Given the legitimate concerns some sisters had about being alone with him, the Relief Society President, Wendy, arranged a surprise party on his birthday focused on celebrating his life. And following on what his Elder’s Quorum President had privately encouraged, Sam decided to bypass more advise and to try to help Roger, and instead start to ask some honest questions he was curious about; “So what was your family life like growing up, man.”
“Not sure I want to talk about that, “Roger said abruptly. “No worries . . .” Sam responded, before Roger quickly added, “lots of bad memories. Got beat up more times than I remember. And Dad would always make sure to tell me how worthless I was any time he got a little mad. The worst was seeing what he did to Mom.”
Sam waited as Roger paused and closed his eyes. He couldn’t imagine what that could have been like, thinking for a moment about his own adoring parents. As Sam felt emotion rise in his chest, he reached out and touched Sam’s shoulder, noticing a tear rolling down his big cheek: “Nobody’s really asked me about that in a long time, Sam. Thanks, hope it doesn’t scare you away.”
“Not at all brother, I’m amazed at where you are today. Your testimony the other day was beautiful. I’m in no rush . . . this is important. So, what was that like going through all that as a young child? And would you tell me more about what happened next?—and how you went from that kind of pain ti where you are today? ~~Jacob Z. Hess, Carriie L.Skarda, Kyle D. Anderson. Ty R. Mansfield continued with “Things to Try”. . . continued with “Things to Try”.
