Continuing From a Previous post: Doctor John Lund and Bonnie Lund and their book “Take Your love to Your Family and Your Frustrations to the Lord”:
Is There is Such a Thing as “Inspired Criticism,” It is given sparingly and rarely. Two essential characteristics accompany criticism inspired by the Holy Ghost. First, you will be in emotional control; there is no yelling, crying or cutting words. Second, your tone of voice and even your facial expression will be calm. You will be able to express your critical concern in sincere words carefully chosen to focus on the inappropriate behavior or choice and not on the worth of the person. You will feel the presence of the Holy Ghost.
There’s an axiom that says, “The one who cares the most is held hostage by the one who cares the least.” Bill needed to care more about his life than his parents cared. Bill’s parents were being held hostage by Bill not caring enough about his own life. In their desire to rescue Bill from his own choices, they found themselves standing on a mountain top and shouting our warnings about impending disasters, only to be ignored.
It takes practice to escape the natural man and the natural woman, both of whom are enemies to God when they speak of the negative, uninspired thoughts that enter their minds. We become an enemy to God when we destroy the self-worth of another by giving uninspired and uninvited criticism or even valuable criticism in an inappropriate way (see Mosiah 3:19). “Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God” (Doctrine and Covenants 18:10).
Developing a Christlike character will at some point require restraint and self-mastery of the tongue. It is not easy, but it is easier than trying to repair a relationship that has been destroyed by an unbridled tongue. The key for successfully dealing with the frustrations of a loved one who is consistently making poor choices is to take your love to the loved one while taking all of your frustrations about him or her to the Lord in prayer. The exception, of course, is when you are moved upon by the Holy Ghost and your criticism does not offend the Holy Ghost.
When communicating acceptance, do not add, “but.” The listener will not internalize whatever preceded the “but.” When giving praise or asking for forgiveness any of these ‘but’ statements must remain separate from any other comments. Here is a poor example: “Thank you for cleaning the kitchen, but next time remember to take out the garbage.”
Instead, simply say, “Thank you for cleaning the kitchen.” Later, at a separate time, ask, “Would you please take out the garbage?”
Mothers frequently tell John, “I don’t have time to separate these issues.” His response to them, “How much time do you have to repair a damaged relationship?”
These communication skills are learned behaviors that have to be practiced. And the behaviors have to be consistent with the teachings of Jesus. In the New Testament, the entire chapter of James is dedicated to controlling the tongue.
Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! And the tongue is a fire . . . and it is set on fire of hell. . . . Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren these things ought not to be . . . . but is earthly sensual, and devilish.
For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.
But wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.
And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace of them that make peace.. (James 3:5-18)~~~Doctor John and Bonnie Lund and their book “Take Your love to Your Family and Your Frustrations to the Lord”: (American Fork, Utah, 2020) p. 12-14 . . . .(continued)
