From Dr. John L. Lund & Bonnie Lund and their book “Take Your Love to Your Family and Your Frustrations to the Lord”:
CHAPTER TWO: You Cannot Carry Out the Lord’s Plan in the Devil’s Way
SATAN’S ULTIMATE GOAL IS TO restrict and take away the agency of the individual and create misery (see Moses 4:3. Lucifer “sought also the misery of all mankind. . . . for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself” (2 Nephi 2:18, 27). If the is misery in any relationship to which you are a party, that misery can in most cases be traced to trying something right in the wrong way.
We are told that the Prophet Enoch saw in a vision Satan: “And he beheld Satan: and he had a great chain in his hand, and it veiled the whole face of the earth with darkness; and he looked up and laughed, and his angels rejoiced” (Moses 7:26). Major links in Satan’s chain that veils the whole earth are contention, inappropriate and uninspired criticism, and fault finding. Even inspired criticism given in an inappropriate way creates misery. Satan relies on good intentions carried out in improper ways. The devil is an arch deceiver and a master of justification. It is important to note that “the devil cheateth their souls, and leadeth them away carefully down to hell” (2 Nephi 28:21).
From what we have been able to observe based on five decades of family and marriage counseling, criticism and contention have destroyed more marriages and family relationships than infidelity. The devil will try to make you believe that your good intentions justify how you act and what you say. For example, he will convince you that it is OK to be critical because you have good intentions and you love the other person. But unless your criticism is given in the Lord’s way, misery results. We will describe how to deliver a critical message in the Lord’s way a little later.
Critical Dad and His Eighteen-Year-Old Son, Bill
Dad had spent his entire life being critical of his son, Bill. The father believed that his criticisms would help Bill become a better person. They certainly didn’t. In fact, Bill resented his father and labeled him a perfectionist. It wasn’t long before Bill avoided his father as much as possible. Bill believed that he would never measure up to his father’s expectations; in fact he concluded if he measured up everything his father wanted him to do, it still would not be enough. He wondered why he should do anything his father wanted, because he would still have to deal with being unacceptable to his critical dad.
The father constantly criticized Bill, saying that he needed to be more responsible or he wouldn’t amount to anything in his life. Sadly, that was the very narrative that Bill began to believe about himself. “When the person who professes to love you most finds you unacceptable, then maybe he’s right,” Bill thought. Bill wound up hating his father and everything his father stood, including the Church. Bill stopped attending church and chose not to serve a mission. Bill will be accountable for his choices, but his father is responsible for giving criticism in the devil’s way. Uninspired criticism is one of the devil’s most effective tools for creating misery.
Appropriate Criticism
There is such a thing as “appropriate criticism,” but it involves specific requirements. The first requirement is that the Holy Ghost inspires the criticism, “Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost” (Doctrine & Covenants 121:43). The 1828 Noah Webster’s Dictionary, which dates to the time of this revelation, defined reproof as “blame expressed to the face; censure for a fault; reprehension.” Betimes was defined as seasonably; in good season or time; before it is late.” Sharpness was defined as keenness.” It meant to be precise, specific, and to the point.
The premise for justifiable criticism is based in the fact that “the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness ” (Doctrine & Covenants 121:36). Inappropriate and uninspired criticism causes “the heavens to withdraw themselves; The Spirit of the Lord is grieved” (Doctrine & Covenants 121:37). The critical person is left to himself or herself without the help of the Lord. In the example of Bill and his father, the father’s criticisms were not inspired of the Holy Ghost. They were inspired by frustrations, disappointment, and at times anger.
The second requirement for giving inspired criticism is the manner in which the criticism is given. How we deliver an inspired critical message is as important as the message itself. Not only does the message have to be appropriate. Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto Father but by me.” (John 14:6). Giving criticism in the Lord’s way requires that the critical message be delivered in a way that will not offend the Holy Ghost. Yelling, screaming, and using abusive language will certainly drive the Holy Ghost away. In response, the one being criticized usually cries, pleads, and bemoans, avoiding the supplicant without changing his or her behavior. ~~~ Dr. John L. Lund & Bonnie Lund, “Take Your Love to Your Family and Your Frustrations to the Lord” (American Fork Utah: Covenant Communications, 2020), p. 5-7, Continued . . . Carry Out the Lord’s Plan II
