Continuing from John Eldredge and a Previous Post. . . :
“At least three or four times as many boys as girls are essentially defined as ill because their preferred patterns of play don’t fit easily into the structure of school. Well-meaning psycho-managers then prescribe tranquilizing drugs for ADD, such as Ritalin . . . The situation is scandalous. The use of drugs so disproportionately betrays the failure of school authorities to understand sex differences. . . . The only disease these boys may have is being male. ~~John Eldredge, Wild at Heart (Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville, Tennessee, 2001) p.78-81. . . continuing:
But it’s not just the schools. (Many of them, by the way, are doing a heroic job.) How about our churches? A young man recently came to me very angry and distraught. He was frustrated the way his father, a church leader, was coaching him in sports He’s a basketball player and his team had made the city finals. The night of the big game he was heading out the door, his father literally stopped him and said, now don’t go out there and ‘kick but’—that’s just not a nice thing to do.” I am not making this up. What a ridiculous thing to say to a seventeen year-old athlete . Go out there and give ’em . . . well don’t give ’em anything. Just be nice. Be the nicest guy on the opposing team has ever met. In other words, be soft. That is a perfect example of what the church tells men. Someone I read said they may have a masculine exterior, but its soul is feminine.
Emasculation happens in marriage as well. Women are often attracted to he wilder side of a man, but once they’ve caught him they settle down to the task of domesticating him. Ironically, if he gives in, he’ll resent her for it, and she in turn will wonder where the passion has gone. Most marriages wind up there. A weary and lonely woman asked me the other day, “How do I get my husband to come alive?” “Invite him to be dangerous,” I said. You mean I should let him get the motorcycle, right? “Yep.” She shrank back, disappointment on her face. “I know you’re right, but I hate the idea. I’ve made him tame for years.”
Think back to that great big lion in that tiny change. Why would we put a man in a cage? For the same reason we put a lion there: he’s dangerous. To paraphrase Sayers, we’ve also pared the claws of the Lion Cub of Judah. A man is a dangerous thing. Women don’t start wars. Violent crime aren’t for the most part committed by women. Our prisons aren’t filled with women. Columbine wasn’t the work of two young girls. Obviously, something has gone wrong in the masculine soul, and the way we’ve decided to handle it is to take that dangerous nature away . . . entirely.
“We know that our society produces a plentiful supply of boys,” says ‘Robert Bly, “but seems to produce fewer and fewer men.” There are two simple reasons. We don’t know how to initiate boys into men, and second, we’re not really sure we want to! We want to socialize them, to be sure, but away from all that is fierce, and wild, and passionate. In other words, away from masculinity and toward something more feminine. But as Summers says, we have forgotten a simple truth: “The energy, competitiveness, and corporal daring of normal decent males is responsible for much of what is right in the world.” Summers reminds us that during the Columbine massacre, “Seth Houy threw his body over a terrified girl to shield her from the bullets; fifteen-year-old Daniel Rohrbough paid with his life when, at mortal risk to himself, he held the door open so others could escape.”
That strength that is so essential to men is also what makes them heros. If a neighborhood is safe it is because of the strength of the men. Slavery was stopped by the strength of men, at a terrible price to them and their families. The Nazis were stopped by men. Apartheid wasn’t defeated by women. Who gave their seats up on the life boats leaving the Titanic, so that women and children would be saved? And have we forgotten—it was a man who let himself be nailed to Calvary’s cross. This isn’t to say women can’t be heroic. I know many heroic women. It’s simply to remind that God made men who they are because we desperately need them to be the way they are. Yes, a man is a dangerous thing. So is a scalpel. It can wound it, or it can save your life. You don’t make it safe by making it dull; you put it in the hands of someone who knows what they’re doing.
If you’ve spent any time around horses, you know that a stallion can be a major problem. They’re strong and they’ve got a mind of their own. Stallions don’t typically like to be bridled, and they can get downright aggressive—especially if there are mares around. A stallion is hard to tame. If you want a safer quieter animal, there’s an easy solution: castrate him. A gelding is much more compliant. You can lead him around by the nose; he’ll do what he’s told without putting up a fuss. There’s only one problem: Geldings don’t give life. They don’t come through for you the way a stallion can. A stallion is dangerous, all right, but if you want the life he offers, you have to have the danger too. They go together ~~John Eldredge, Wild at Heart (Nashville; Thomas Nelson Publishers, 20019, p.81-84. . . The Battle for a Man’s Heart III
Posts with a preamble asterisk * are for a more general audience. . . . not specific to teachings of he Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
