From the book ‘Messages for a Happier Life’, William B. Smart taught:
Rearing children is a tough proposition these days. In most homes the all-intrusive medium of television exposes children to harsh realities about as soon as—and in some cases sooner than—it does their parents.
Some parents are wise and strong and attentive enough to carefully limit their children’s TV (gaming / viewing, multi-media intake) to minimize the damage. But that’s not easy for over-committed parents to accomplish. And even when they do, there is no way to insulate their children from those whose parents don’t.
So successful parenting is hard—perhaps harder than it has ever been. But many families seem to manage it remarkably well. Can we learn from them any common denominators for success?
Volumes can be and have been written on techniques and strategies of parenting. But experience shows that what works for one set of parents or a single parent may not work for another. Only a few principles seem to apply universally. One is that a healthy self-image is essential if a child is to stand firm against the pressures of peers and the seductiveness of our TV-hyped/multi-media society. It’s the insecure young person who hungers for acceptance who is most likely to get into drugs, illicit sex or other troubles.
So what are the essential elements in building a child’s self-image? First and foremost, the child must be assured of the parents’ unconditional love. That means love that does not depend on a child’s achievements or meeting parents’ expectations, that is not diminished if a child fails to measure up to the parents’ desires. A child may quit trying to achieve rather than risk the loss of parental love through failing.
Second, a child gets a powerful message of his self-worth when the parent cares enough to share feelings about their parent-child relationships. It’s not easy; many parents never really verbalize their feelings. But without a genuine sharing of emotions, the child may not feel entirely secure about his or her place in their parents’ hearts.
Third, it may help a child’s self esteem to learn, in appropriate times and ways, that the parents are not perfect. No child is perfect, and most are keenly, often painfully, aware of it. If a child can learn that parents are also striving to overcome weaknesses, it can do much to resolve self-doubt and give assurance of self-worth.
What assurance, for example, Helaman must have felt when he heard his father, Alma, describe the torment of his past: “I was racked with eternal torment, for my soul was harrowed up to the greatest degree and racked with all my sins. Yea, I did remember all my sins and iniquities, for which I was tormented with the pains of hell; yea, I saw that I had rebelled against my God, and that I had not kept his holy commandments.” (Alma 36:12-13)
Surely Helaman must have felt, if his father could throw off such a past and become this great and holy leader who had accomplished so much good, he too, had such potential.
How could he and his brother, Shiblon, doubt their importance in their father’s eyes when he shared with them such love and yearnings of his heart for their salvation? (See Alma 36-38.) And how could their third brother, Corianton, doubt his father’s unconditional love, despite his sorrow for his son’s sexual sins, when he gave to him one of scripture’s great sermons on the gospel plan and a charge to go forth and preach the word? (See Alma 39-42.)
Alma’s eloquence and spiritual strength were developed by diligent effort after his earlier problems. They give us encouragement to press forward and never give up. The principles he followed in building his sons’ convictions of their self-worth are available to us all. ~William B. Smart, Messages for a Happier Life (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1989) p.98-100
