From Bruce and Stan:
When it comes to communication, there are two kinds of people in the world—those who love to hear others talk, and those who love to hear themselves talk (and we all know which kinds of people are more fun to be with).
Good communication skills begin with listening. Not only do you learn things about other people by listening, but you also make others feel important when you give them your full attention, complete with head nods and eye contact. Of course, your goal may be to help others become good listeners by doing all the talking yourself. While we don’t recommend this we do offer this word of advice: Learn to distinguish between head nods that show genuine interest and those that indicate that your listener is dozing off out of sheer boredom.
If you’re still not convinced that listening is a better communication skill than talking, try this experiment. The next time you’re with a bunch of people at a party or special event, do your best to listen intently. Stroke your chin and say, “I see,” when someone makes a point. Occasionally squint your eyes and go, “Mmmm,” when another person says something interesting. Ask questions rather than make statements.
If you keep this up, we guarantee that at the end of the evening you will be considered by everyone to be the most thoughtful and dynamic person in the room. You will also appear incredibly wise.
Even if you don’t aspire to become a world class listener, you can always improve your communications skills by self-editing your conversations. Keep talking, but use fewer words (better words, too). Avoid the extremes of empty flattery and harmful gossip (what other kind of gossip is there?)
Here’s another form of nonverbal communication that’s extremely effective. Whenever someone has done something nice for you, write a thank you note. When someone needs a lift, write a personal note of encouragement. When tragedy strikes another, express your sympathy with a heartfelt card. You’ll never know how meaningful your written words will be to others.
In the Small Stuff
- People are attracted to enthusiasm.
- Have a ready smile and a firm handshake.
- Be the first one to ask a question.
- Think about your question before you ask it.
- A wink delivers a powerful message, so be careful at whom you wink.
- A card sent with a personal note inside is more meaningful than a card sent but only signed.
- Develop exceptional listening habits.
- Listen with your eyes as well as your ears.
- Sometimes it’s easiest to communicate face-to-face if you’re walking side by side.
- No one will ever accuse you of being a boring conversationalist if you let people talk about themselves.
- A truly eloquent speech includes all that is necessary—and no more.
- Thoughtful compliments wear better than impulsive flattery.
- You learn more by listening (you already know what you would say).
- Use superlatives sparingly.
- People who talk a lot about themselves seldom want to hear what others have to say.
~Bruce Bickel and Stan Jantz, God Is In The Small Stuff and It All Matters (Promised Press, Barbour Publishing, 1998)
(Posts with a preamble asterisk * are for a more general audience, and not specific to teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.)
