From ‘Bruce and Stan’ in their book “God is in the Small Stuff” we read:
There are four ways to love your spouse. But only one way to keep your marriage together.
You can have affection for your spouse. You can consider your spouse your best friend. And your sex life can be so great that Dr. Ruth wants to hear all about it. In fact it’s possible to have all three of these feelings for your spouse, which is great. There’s only one problem. Feelings come and go, especially in marriage. One day you and your spouse are best friends, and the next day you can’t stand each other. It happens. And marriages fall apart because couples base the whole thing on feelings.
Which brings us to the fourth love, the one love that will keep your marriage together, as long as both of you take it to heart. It’s that love with a funny name—agape love—which is the love that desires the best for the other person. This is unselfish love that seeks to give rather than take. This is love that takes work.
Here’s another way to look at it: Love is in the details. For a husband this is paying attention to the small stuff. It means remembering and planning special celebrations for anniversaries and birthdays (hint: she loves flowers, dinners, and weekends away). It means helping around the house especially if your wife has a career outside the home. And it means (okay, guys, here’s a tough one) actually sitting down and having meaningful conversations.
For a wife, love is in the details means showing interest in his work and hobbies. It means taking a breath between sentences so you can hear what he’s thinking, even if he merely grunts—there are many shades of meaning). And it means offering your support and encouragement (let’s face it your husband is more insecure than he lets on—all men are).
If loving your spouse unselfishly is a challenge for you, think about the way Jesus loves you. The Bible says that Jesus willingly “made himself nothing” in order to completely serve those he loved. And now he asks you to love your spouse in the same sacrificial way.
. . . In the Small Stuff
- Loving your spouse is not enough. Learn how to demonstrate your love.
- Compliment your spouse with elegant words.
- Forgiveness is at the heart of love.
- Think back and remember one thing you really admired about your spouse when you were dating.
- Plan one romantic getaway a year with your spouse.
- Make a date to go to dinner with your spouse at least once a month.
- Tell your spouse “I love you” at least once a day. Say it all the time with your eyes.
- Celebrate your spouse’s birthday, but hold the relish to tell jokes about age.
- Be as enthusiastic to stay married as you were to get married.
- Remember when you got married.
- Remember where you got married.
- Remember why you got married.
- Be loyal to your spouse. Express admiration in public.
- A marriage can be a great investment that yields tremendous dividends, if you have the interest.
- Give your spouse a gift for no reason.
- If you express your love to your spouse often enough, you’ll never have to ask if your spouse loves you.
- Trade in your car, not your spouse.
- Embrace your spouse.
~Bruce Bickel and Stan Jantz, God is in the Small Stuff and it all matters (Promised Press, Barbour Publishing, 1996) 202-07
