Neal A. Maxwell said in his book “And All These Things Shall Give Thee Experience”. . .
“Christians can have the benefit of candor without being cutting. They can communicate without being manipulative.
How marvelous it is when of a relationship of two individuals it can be said, “We took sweet counsel together.” (Psalms 55:14)
Correction should be wisely and correctly administered, however. When it is clumsily administered, it is not usually as effective. When it is administered for the wrong reasons, it is not likely to be accepted. But oh, the joy one feels when he finally sees an emancipating (free of restraint) truth about himself, an insight that has made him free—free at last from false perceptions of error.
Yet correction, when it comes, is seldom welcome, and often the issue becomes “Can we take it?” Yet those who prove that they can “take it” usually have so much to give!
Correction when it comes often has a cutting edge and normally there is no anesthetic. Hearts which are so set upon wrong of worldly ways must first be broken, and this cannot be done without pain. And so speaking the truth in love matters so much!
Genuine communication, of course, requires resilience in each of us—a bouncing back that permits us to take advantage of each new day in spite of the blunders and the failures of the previous day. We should learn from our errors, but we ought to forget them as soon as we can.
There may be some value in “instant replay” in order to learn what we can and then move on. But some of us engage in “constant replay,” which can be enervative (tire out, drain) and destructive of our self-confidence.
In growing spiritually, first to be preferred is to learn vicariously from the mistakes of others without having to make these same mistakes oneself.
Next in order of preference, however, is to make needed course corrections in our life as expeditiously as possible, so that our mistakes are minimized and do not take up too much of the terrain of life. This latter posture obviously assumes our openness to counsel and correction. Furthermore it assumes a willingness to give and to receive commendation as we serve those around us. In such nutritive environment real growth occurs in spite of mistakes.
In absence of counsel and correction, we are left to learn in isolation—and isolation can be such a poor friend. Learning in solo is often retarded greatly by our pride. Even when we see what we have done is wrong, it is difficult for us to adjust when left alone. Others can be very helpful to us in this process of making our regret productive.
In a way that is as subtle as it is pivotal, others may not want our candor; even so, they are sometimes disappointed when we are not lovingly candid with them. Our failure to be forthright is seen by them as our being condescending by assuming they cannot handle loving candor. Or, worse, our love and concern for them not being strong enough to propel us to be forthright. When we withhold, chronically, that which might help another in our communication, we can scarcely say that we truly love him. When we brush off an opportunity to communicate, we may actually be brushing someone off the strait and narrow way.~Neal A. Maxwell, “All These Things Shall Give Thee Experience” (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1980), 86-88
(Posts with a preamble asterisk * are for a more general audience, and not specific to teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.)
